Very Limited Internet

Merry Christmas to all!

I just wanted to let people know that I am in the middle of moving into a new apartment, so my internet access is very spotty for the next few weeks. Feel free to write Agent Smith into a plotline if you need to. When my internet is up and running, I'll be able to post more but right now I can only really check once or twice a week.

God Bless,

Agent Smith

Where's it going?

Well - Agent Smith & Ché are back in action, but where are the Gorebertines? Agent Smith - feel free to take charge of the events related to the various occupations. Now that all three groups are in place (four, including the East Tennessee Rationalists), SOV2 is rife with mayhem. I'll poke along confusing the issue unless you have some direction you want to take things.

Ché - I'm trying to follow your lead on the Kerri wedding thing. My plan is to provide you with a discernment checklist that you can use to disrupt the wedding (if you so choose). Let me know if you have other plans

current plot threads

in addition to ché's escapades, the following stories have been developing:

1. gradual takeover of SOV2 by the Oregon Catholic Press

2. Al-Fakkir's Palestinian Parking Lot vs. Tribal Land Rights

feel free to develop these stories as you like

Incidentally, I am considering having Dym Tim start an Ecumenical Teddy Bear drive where SOV2 attempts to distribute Teddy Bears named after the great religions' icons.  You can guess where that is leading.  What do you think?  Too risky?

Recent inactivity

As some of you may be aware, my participation in SOV2 has been waning lately. The causes are twofold:

(1) Family
(2) Work

There is another reason of course. Since H. Robert's consumption a lot of wind has gone out of my sails. It is hard to imagine a story with only one character. For that reason there is a story going on in my head with Kerri and Che', the sad thing is it can't be told on an SOV2 blog since Kerri is not about to participate in such a forum. And though you can probably guess what is going to happen I'd like to keep it a surprise for Winter Solstice.

Vacation for Che'

Well, Che' is going on vacation with his dad, Brenda, and the Erpenblechs.

Did I mention that they will be heading right through the Bermuda Triangle? Did I mention the Erpenblechs have a daughter? Did I mention, she likes Anne Coulter? Did I mention, Che's real name isn't Che'?

A season of romance and adventure might (or might not) be on tap. Let's hope the Internet satellite feed on the yacht isn't affected by the unusual magnetism as a simple vacation turns into an exploration of modern scientific discovery of the spirit of the Voyage of the Beagle all told from the perspective of a semi-literate University of Tennessee anthropology department drop out.

M.C.

new name

FYI:
Here are some patron saints that Sr. Fairah could use for her new name …

Women:
Margaret of Antioch
Mary Madgalen

Eucharitstic Congress / events:
Pascal Baylon

Social Justice:
Joseph
Martin De Porres

Now, see the poll … or make suggestions in the combox.
PS: Vote fast...

On the second death of H. Robert

Well... there you have it. H. Robert is sadly no more.

This is how it happened: The knock at the door was agent smith, and on the way to get it, Keith accidentally unplugged the voice unit from the computer, thus rendering H. Robert defenseless on the kitchen counter where he had been set awhile before. Apparently, later on, I. R. must have snuck in and poured what he thought was bleach but more likely was some sort of distilled beverage into H. Robert's jar. Than, when the guest arrived, finding the apartment empty, he made himself at home... and... well... you know the rest of the gruesome story.

Why? To what purpose?

1) A greater percentage of biologically female characters.
2) Che' to be reintegrated into SOV2
3) New storylines which don't involve H. Robert manipulating the internet for world domination

We will see what the ramifications of his death are on the SOV2 community in the near future.

M.C.

St Loius Womanpriest

I came across this article regarding the phony ordination of a couple of heretics. The interesting thing is that it is being staged at a Reform Jewish clubhouse. In response, should we:

start ordaining women at SOV2?
send a personal email of congratulations from Dym Tim to these women?
Have Al-fakkir hold an anti-Israel rally at SOV2?
Have Dym Tim interviewed about this issue by the New York Times?
Have SOV2 provide sanctuary to a White Power rally?
Have SOV2 provide sanctuary to a group claiming to be the real board of directors of Dreamworks SKG?

please submit your ideas...

of course, everyone is banned from using several relevant words per this blog policy" so the discussion will be somewhat difficult

advocate

Someone needs to advocate this
http://www.un.org/millenniumgoals/
SICK.....

Please... do not go to Che's apartment...

Everyone STAY AWAY from Che's apartment until Sunday. Trust me YOU DO NOT WANT TO GO NEAR THERE! If you go there you will REGRET IT!

If you need a distraction consider the fact that Che is having a party at the rectory on Sunday and is starting to act like a polo-playing frat boy and needs your intervention.

M.C.

really leaving

I have my goodbye post ready to go ... at home, and I'm at work at this moment. I keep forgetting to use Google docs. Sorry I've belaboured the point so long. I promise it'll get posted tonight or tomorrow.

I am LOOKING FORWARD to everyone arguing with me... please, don't be submissive. I've promised to be online until next week sometime. I'm trying to stay in character, but begin my conversion. I will be HAMMERING the point that there aren't enough women at SOV2.

Can ANYONE female step up and become part of the team? Maryann is buried in her personal life, and really can't do much. It just seems STRANGE beyond words that there's no females other than me ... and now I'm leaving. SOV2 really should have a priestess and several female deacons!

Updated banned list...

I've got a webpage with the master banned list for SOV2. It's at http://syblyngbob.googlepages.com/. I checked the links and made a couple of corrections. Good idea or bad idea? There's quiet a few sites that have been 'banned' and I thought it might be helpful to put them all together. Also I think Syb Bob is going to start pushing Esperanto here and there. The idea originally came up from reading Lord of the World (which you can find at http://www.authorama.com/book/lord-of-the-world.html ). In the book the secular types were using it sort of as the antiLatin.

New Poll!

Well, it seems like forever since Father Tim posted and I for one am really starting to miss him. As a consequence I am taking the no-bake idea to the limit and will send SOV2 into turmoil until he returns to straighten things out. Look for increasing strife between H. Robert and Che'.

In the meantime please signify how much you miss Father Tim by participating frequently in the new poll over there to your left.

M.C.

Agent Smith

for various reasons, i am not posting much right now... consequently, i feel like i should mention to agent smith that i can pop in as al-fakkir if he needs me to do so to develop a storyline... as long as the posts are fairly short.

cheerio! and good job che on the samhain/keith fest

Brain in Jar Month Ends...

So ends brain-in-jar month with Keith doing a liturgical dance in front of H. Robert Williams, a group of Wiccans, the PETA girls and Al Gore. Apparently this was his plan all along. I can see how people might be disappointed... but the let down, I am afraid to say, was supposed to be part of the humor.

One of the original story lines had Todd Turk trying to steal Keith away from Che's "team" because Keith wanted to do liturgical dancing. Keith, if you recall, was grotesquely overweight and perpetually in a sour mood. I always wanted to draw a scene of Keith dancing and this seemed to be the right time and place. (Okay I borrowed this idea from the Tarantula dance... see here)

Now that this is over, I am going to take a break for a few days. This will give the other contributors a chance to establish new storylines.

Sneak Peak at Samhain Fest

Guess the celebrity from a detail of Che's Rendition of the upcoming Liturgy of Reparations! I'll try to post the picture and the story behind it sometime tomorrow while things are still creepy and before brain in jar month concludes.

welcome gorebertines

i'm very excited about syb bob and syb madison joining sov2 - obviously, the main storyline right now is sister fairah's departure, but i think we ought to gen up a fairly prominent gorebertine storyline in the next couple of weeks. with me out of the picture, i think this would be a good time for someone to take over todd turk - the che vs. todd line was a lot of fun, and still has a lot of room - perhaps todd could find a clause in the sov2 constitution that makes him the interim pastor if there is no AP and the pastor is not present. Then perhaps Syb Bob could become AP to head off todd's takeover attempt? anyway - whatever y'all do will be fine, just make sure it has a heavy dose of gorebertines!

New Poll

For this week's poll I wanted to do something more in fun-mode. As you can probably guess I like the zanier storylines on SOV2 and have tried out several. Just curious as to which you like best.... maybe something along the order of Dennis Kucinich seeing a UFO at Shirley MacLain's place.

By the way I am still working on the Parrot Sermon... This is turning out to be a real challenge.

On my way...

Thanks to everyone who helped decide my departure mode. I am sad to leave, but it's necessary! However, you'll be seeing me under a different alias in the comboxes. I hope to be fully cloistered within a week. Things are going to have to move FAST ... not sure how that's going to work, other than maybe a retreat / live in for several weeks, and then one final post down the road. Suggestions would be welcome.

I need comments on tonight's post! Give me something to work with later in the week, please! You KNOW where I"m headed...

Thanks to Che' for posting the pole. And Maryann for doing last week's sermon. Looks like you'll have to do it again, unless you fight H. Robert for the honor....

Turning on e-mail for "Auditions"

I will turn on my e-mail account tomorrow so that people who want to help out with SOV2 can privately contact me. With the loss of Sister Fairah and Father Tim's unavailability we are short-handed... and... (sigh)... I am running low on inspiration. Like Joey on Friends, Che' is nice, but you can't make a whole sitcom out of him.

Father Tim and I kicked around how best to go about this but it seems to me that the best thing is just to ask. I know most of the people that look at the secrets blog all have pretty good senses of humor which is pretty much all that is required (well I suppose you have to have a modicum of orthodoxy).

Important New Poll

Hello everybody,

I think people are mostly aware that Sister Fairah is leaving the blog after October. What mode of exodus she takes is ultimately up to her; but in order to give her a little advice, she asked me to put up the new poll.

We'll all going to miss Sister Fairah and her miracle habit around SOV2!

Removal of Wiccan Posts

The secret of SOV2 is that SOV2 is largely an exercise in Catholic banter. I have an idea, I throw it out and I see what responses I get and react accordingly. When something strikes a chord I follow up. If it kind of goes thud, I let it lie. That is one reason to stop the wiccan storyline... it has gone thud.

But there are certain things I want to say, certain dangers and thoughts I want Orthodox Catholics to know about and find ways to deal with. I want to vaccinate Orthodox Catholics to the things I am hearing from within the "University." I recognize that many of you are more aware of these dangers than I am and probably don't need warning. You're also probably better equipped to handle things too. But as a guy on the near the advancing front of the Catholic Culture wars, someone likely to be swept aside within a few years, I feel this urge to cry out against the ghoulish spectres and the beast "slouch[ing] towards Bethlehem to be born." So if I thought a storyline was inportant enough, I wouldn't drop it merelt because it wasn't registering with the audience.

But sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. I have decided not to pursue the Wiccan storyline any farther. This is because I can see no way of confronting wicca in this manner without seeming to advocate for wicca.

The best way to discuss this is to post it here in the "Secrets." As I noted to other SOV2 conspirators:

Wicca is the natural extension of eco-feminism to spirituality. It teaches nature worship, "balance," "tolerance," "trust," and "empowerment through knowledge." Wicca looks like the "Vision of Excellence" for many Catholic universities. My hope was to point out the similarities between Wicca and the liberal view of Catholicism. But... I am probably not up to the task.

Now what? This has left a blank space in my thoughts and (as you could probably tell) I must admit to being a little drained of inspiration since Act III of Bananas of Revenge. Yet there is another important storyline that must move forward concerning Sister Fairah. As such you will probably see me playing a more passive roll until Halloween.

Don't worry ... be happy ... and HELP!

In case anyone is worried that I’m trying to get rid of H. Roberts, please don’t be concerned. I will soon (later today, even?) be recanting on my stance on H. Robert. Then I will take back my recant. In other words, for the next week or two, I am going to be vacillating back and forth on about every issue possible on SOV2. I’m going to become a weeble that wobbles … and will eventually fall down.

I am in need of help, though. My understanding of the pros and cons of the Latin thing (a huge issue with Sr. Fairah) are really limited, and I would be grateful for any insights. Help me: Why would Sr.Fairah eventually become a Latin-in-the-liturgy convert? You can assist in the combox, or emailing sr.fairah at gmail. I don’t check that account often, but will for the next week, in case someone is able to help me. Thank you ahead of time.

Secret of H. Robert's Brain

Okay... here is the history of H. Robert's brain and background for this week's poll.

1) After I stupidly tried to end SOV2 early on, Che' was sent on a round the world flight.
2) Some combox comments suggested to me that readership had an interest in scientology.
3) I had Che' meet L. Ron Hubbard in brain form on a volcanic island. "Inspiration" was all those brain in jar science fiction movies... though I had been listening to That Hideous Strength not too long before, L. Ron Hubbard's brain was happy and not particularly evil.
4) Lack of comments suggested Scientology actually was NOT a big hit with fans, but because Che' is celebrity obsessed he stayed interested in Scientology. Plus scientology kept Che' "in" among Hollywood elites.
5) I started to read Eegah's and D.G.D.'s blogs, I happen to like science-fiction themes, though I am not a huge science fiction fan.
6) Mentions of Che' accidentally killing L. Ron Hubbard continued for a while.
7) H. Robert brought on board.
8) Based on lack of comments it seems he is not a popular character. (Attempts on H. Robert's life become common). I regret inventing him, find thinking about him unpleasant, and try to kill him off.
9) I was hoping for an H. Robert eulogy but as it turns out, H. Robert may have some fans out there. I decide to put H. Robert's life to the test... of course he is dead so how can he come back to life? Ah ha! Enter scientologists.
10) Based on poll, H. Robert is brought back to the blog. Che' gets to hang out in California for a while.
11) H. Robert is mainly obsessed with playing video games at Che's apartment, but wants to sue SOV2 for "wrongful life."
12) Wrongful life legal suit seems unpopular.
13) H. Robert drops legal suit.
14) Bananas of Revenge Storyline begins.
15) D.G.D. asks me to write something about Dragon Rights as part of a quid pro quo. on B.O.R.
16) I Have to decide who will write Dragon Right's letter. Che' is not capable of writing that kind of thing. H. Robert could, but he doesn't believe in dragons. Keith is too lazy. So Krystal will do it. Of course Krystal knows more about witches and she is responsible for H. Robert's death. Hmmm. Seems like a new story line.
17) Krystal writes offensive witch letter.
18) H. Robert becomes angry and wants to sue SOV2 again.
19) Sister Fairah reacts strongly against H. Robert accusing him of being "dead matter"
20) You know what... maybe H. Robert is in fact just a trick of the scientologists.

That brings us up to date for this weeks new POLL! A poll which will affect the future of SOV2 for ever and ever into the future (however long that may be). Please be honest now... (and NO multiple votes)

MeMe

Thanks for the tag ... after I begged. Oh, well...
1. Do you attend the Traditional Latin Mass or the Novus Ordo?
Novus Ordo – There is, in my diocese, an exceptionally good bishop and very well-formed priests. I have traveled throughout the diocese MUCH, and can honestly say I’ve never seen an intentional misuse of liturgy or failure to follow rubrics. Now, music sometimes leaves a lot to be desired, but that’s normally because the poor pastor doesn’t have any choices of musicians! I don’t appreciate Latin like some do, and really feel no need to go to a Latin Mass.
2. If you attend the TLM, how far do you drive to get there?
We have one right in town.
3. If you had to apply a Catholic label to yourself, what would it be?
Consecrated Religious
4. Are you a comment junkie?
When I have time … it’s ‘hit and miss’
5. Do you go back to read the comments on the blogs you’ve commented on?
When I can remember where I've commented.
6. Have you ever left an anonymous comment on another blog?Oh, yea! Mostly if I’m logged in as one persona (I have three!) and want to comment as another one, or don’t feel like I want my comment judged as coming from a Consecrated Religious.
7. Which blogroll would you most like to be on?
The Bishop Fabian Bruskewitz Prayer Club
American Papist
Ironic Catholic
8. Which blog is the first one you check?
Curt Jester.
9. Have you met any other bloggers in person?
Unfortunately, no.
10. What are you reading?
With God in Russia, Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity (Vol II), Catherine of Siena’s Dialogue

Bonus Question! Has your site been banned by Spirit of Vatican II?
I don’t have another site! :(

I don't think there's anyone left to tag ... is there?

Meme

I was never tagged for this meme, though several people thought I was responsible for sending it around. But I can't resist participating, so here it is:
-------
Here's a fun quiz made up especially for bloggers. The rules are easy. Just post the quiz on your blog and answer the questions, then pass it on to five other bloggers, and link to them in your post. Be sure to link back to the one who sent it to you.

1. Do you attend the Traditional Latin Mass or the Novus Ordo?
Novus Ordo - there has been an indult mass in Knoxville for a few years, but I've only attended once. I have the excuse of complex logistics (this is sort of like "the traveler's exemption")

2. If you attend the TLM, how far do you drive to get there?
I am located within a 50 mile radius of the current TLM host parish.

3. If you had to apply a Catholic label to yourself, what would it be?
Sinner

4. Are you a comment junkie?
Oh yeah!

5. Do you go back to read the comments on the blogs you’ve commented on?
When I can remember where I've commented.

6. Have you ever left an anonymous comment on another blog?
No, but I have about six aliases (alia? aliada? aliamnibus?) My online persona is like an everlasting gobstopper.

7. Which blogroll would you most like to be on?
Well, we're on the Curt Jester's blogroll already, but so far no luck with Shrine of the Holy Whapping or Open Book. It's disappointing that Amy Wellborn hasn't noticed SOV2 yet, particularly considering her strong Knoxville connections. On the other hand, she's really, really busy. The ultimate triumph would be recognition from Christopher Blosser. But above all, I would like SOV2 to be on the list of links for National Catholic Reporter or Commonweal.

8. Which blog is the first one you check?
Curt Jester.

9. Have you met any other bloggers in person?
Only Ché. I almost met someone from the Cardinal Ratzinger Fan Club, but we ended up crossing paths.

10. What are you reading?
The Language of God (Collins), Pilgrim Fellowship of Faith, The Great Encyclical Letters of Pope Leo XIII, Teilhardism and the New Religion, Jesus of Nazareth, the Douay-Rheims Bible, The Imitation of Christ, Captain Alatriste, Albert & Thomas Selected Writings.

Bonus Question! Has your site been banned by Spirit of Vatican II?
Yes.

If it has, who do you think Father Tim really is?
I think Father Tim is a psychological projection of a calcified portion of the author's mind which was damaged by repeated exposure to priests who looked and acted like John Denver, chair-throwing ex-nuns, rainbow felt-banners, and execrable slide-shows of sweaty-armpitted tight-T-shirt wearing longhaired teenagers sitting in flourescent green woodland scenes, displayed on a cheap projector while "..longer than, there've been fishes in the ocean..." droned on from a cheap cassette player in the back of whatever moldy shag-carpeted and panel-walled basement that particular youth group meeting was occuring in.

I tag Christopher Blosser, Amy Wellborn, and Jeff Miller.

Bananalessness

Well, I think I bit off more than I could chew with Bananas of Revenge (pun intended). I must admit I am glad I am done, though I have enjoyed the parodies on With a Grain of Salt, SciFi Catholic, and B-Movie Catechism. It is difficult to write in Che' Mode for three melodramatic acts. I kept having to restrain myself from more elaborate language. Probably Che' was not the character to take this on. Todd Turk would have been much more suitable.

Speaking of which....

Based on the latest poll, I think Father Tim wanted to invite another blogger or two to join in the action. We're not sure how to go about doing that. Any suggestions, please comment below.

Okay... I've written Act II of Bananas of Revenge

Yes... you spoke!... I listened... for the two or three people out there that read and enjoyed Act I of Bananas of Revenge, I have written Act II, with, as Father Tim requested, Charles Curran (as a muse) and cameo appearances by St. Francis and Father Tim. Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins are summoned and John Travolta is back... and meaner than ever.

Along with many more bananas, Act II is IMHO better and more violent than Act I. The dialog is yet more stilted and now there are two songs (not just one).

HOWEVER! I refuse to post Act II unless people go to the B-Movie Catechism and Sci-Fi Catholic and demand that they review it. I want a ground swell of public outrage. Are you listening D.G.D. and Eegah! I want you to promise to review my screen play! THE PEOPLE ARE CRYING OUT!

M.C.

Secret Leak of Bananas of Revenge

I am leaking the secret script of Bananas of Revenge for two reasons:

1. it's not quite funny enough for SOV2

2. it's too long for SOV2

I was hoping to do something like Savanarola Brown by one of the funniest men to ever live (Max Beerbohm). But it didn't quite work out. So without further prelude:

Bananas of Revenge
A play by Che’ Lovell
and also a movie by Che’ Lovell too.

Act I

SCENE: A banana plantation in Guyana or someplace like that really hot.
TIME: Right now except night

[TOM CRUISE and JEANNE GARAFOLA on stage]
[Enter the JOHN TRAVOLTA]

TRAVOLTA: Hey! You are lazy and don’t do enough work. Get back to work or I am going to hit you or put you in jail or something
GARAFOLA: But we’ve been working all night and its hot!
CRUISE: And there are a lot of bugs and mosquitoes and things
TRAVOLTA: I don’t care we need to sell more bananas so I can get more money and stuff. I am also trying to exploit the peoples of the world by buying weapons which I will use to oppress them.
GARAFOLA: Don’t you care about anyone but yourself?
TRAVOLTA: No. Now I need to go and give money to republicans so they can help me by making laws which suppress women and indigenous peoples.

[Exit JOHN TRAVOLTA]

CRUISE: Why do you talk to the TALLY MAN? Don’t you know all he is interested in is oppressing you?
GARAFOLA: I know but the political system is disenfranchising me. They won’t let me vote because I am an undocumented migrant worker. Plus I am a womyn.
CRUISE: I have been reading a book that someone named Che’ gave me. In this book he talks about the socio-economic system and how it has been appropriated by the Bourgeoisie who represented only a stage in the progress of history and how ultimately through a collective movement of the proletariat the unjust political system will be overturned when it has reached the nadir of oppression. Then our shackles will be broken and we will go into a glorious age of eternal revolution.
GARAFOLA: I think I am already at my nadir. Can I see that?
CRUISE: Sure [Hands her book]
GARAFOLA: [Opens book. Gapes in Surprise] Wow! It is just like you said! I can’t believe it because it all makes sense.
CRUISE: The fascists don’t want you to know the truth! They deceive you all the time. But if you listen to the voice of the people you can hear them singing.
GARAFOLA and CRUISE [TOGETHER]: The workers control the means of production! Property is theft! Let us unite!

[Exit GARAFOLA and CRUISE]

[Re-Enter JOHN TRAVOLTA with SEAN PENN and DANNY GLOVER. GLOVER has his hands tied behind his back]

PENN: This menial laborer person is causing trouble. I caught him handing out things people read.
TRAVOLTA: Hit him.
[PENN punches GLOVER in stomach]
GLOVER: Ow!
TRAVOLTA: That will teach you not to try to make people work all the time and make money for me.
GLOVER: [Wipes blood from corner of lip with sleeve] You will never break our wills. History will become the future!
TRAVOLTA: You are not very smart because you don’t learn your lesson the first time. Hit him again.
[Re-Enter GARAFOLA and CRUISE]
CRUISE and GARAFOLA: You will not oppress our brother. [CRUISE punches PENN in the nose while GARAFOLA unties GLOVER. PENN recovers and punches GARAFOLA. Then GLOVER punches PENN.]
TRAVOLTA: Oh no!
PENN: How could I have been so wrong? Forgive me sister and brothers because I have been exploited too. [PENN punches TRAVOLTA in nose]
TRAVOLTA: [On floor reaching up to sky] Why? Why? Why? [Dies]

GLOVER: You ask but you do not understand and so it is. We planted the bananas and we watered the bananas and now the bananas are big and we have to get the bananas off the trees and put them on boats and things. Yet because you had the capital you think you own the bananas. But the capital was stolen from the peoples. Therefore the bananas belong to us.
GARAFOLA: [Points Stage Left] Look the sun is rising.

[Start playing Day-O]

GLOVER: It is the dawn of a new day. The sun is yellow like the bananas. It is a banana dawn. All over the world people are waking up and they will see the banana sun.
GARAFOLA: The fascists will be looking for the bananas and they won’t find them!
GLOVER: But the bananas are bananas of revenge. And so they will have to eat the bananas and the bananas they eat won’t taste very good except to us.
CRUISE: We have done great things. Let us stand united in our collective today.
PENN: We will have to fight to keep our bananas!
GARAFOLA: Let us gather all the bananas together!

[END OF ACT I: All EXIT picking up bananas. Except JOHN TRAVOLTA because he is dead.]

HOWDY (and blessings)

First, a thanks to "Che" for the invite to be a part here, too.

Second, I REALLY am having fun.... and hope everyone else is, too. If there ever gets to be a day when this ceases to be fun, and becomes scandal, work or virtual sin, I am OUT OF HERE. Sr. Fairah will have a fatal accident of some sort (which may be fun to orchestrate!)

So, about me:

• I do want to remain anonymous.
• I am a little like Sr. Fairah:
  - I am a Consecrated Religious (NOT RSM, however!)
  - I am middle age-ish (NOT new-age)
  - I really am into technology. I am capable of cabling and setting up the network for a clinic of any sort. (However, if I were forced into cabling an abortion clinic, I would also cable hidden cameras to catch those crooks!)
  - I am not a huge "fan" of Latin. (However, I have EVERY respect for Latin as the true language of the Church, and am thrilled that those who have yearned for the Latin Mass, now have it.). I will post some day on the Motu, in hopes to get some REAL dialogue about it going. I have some rather unique views on the topic, I suspect.
  - I really do wear Birkenstocks! (However, not because they're "trendy." I have a congenital foot problem, and they are the only thing I can wear all day without foot pain!)
  - I do like SOME Haugen / Haas songs. (SOME, not all! I see clearly why the vast majority do not belong in the sacred liturgy! And CRINGE when I end up in Masses when they're used!)
• I am NOT like Sr. Fairah:
  - I am in habit (and PROUD OF IT!)
  - I would NEVER live outside of community (unless Obedience called me to it, for some reason). It is one of the basic foundations of religious life.
  - I have a superior whom I obey
  - I am proud to be called a "bride of Christ" (unworthy as I am!) --- try putting THAT in a comment to Sr.Fairah!
  - I do not live in Nashville (actually, I've never even been there!)
  - I do not even like green tea, much less use it in "alternative" ways
  - I would NEVER step foot in a labyrinth, much less skip Holy Mass and "worship" there
  - I am VERY pro-life
  - I LOVE the pope! (and saw JPII several times in person!)
  - I am WITH Rome on any issue. You name it, if there's been a definitive answer from Rome, I'm "all over it."
  - I pray the Liturgy of the Hours, daily Mass, daily Rosary, and.... (I do not say this to boast, but have you EVER seen Sr. Fairah mention anything worthwhile about prayer? ... at least outside of the Labyrinth! )
  - I would not use or take part in Reiki if I were on my death bed.
  - I would LOVE to get "kidnapped" at EWTN!
  
• I will not disclose my actual name, location or community (obedience speaks, I listen!) but will tell you it is one of the locations mentioned in the post below. We ARE blessed with WONDERFUL vocations to the priesthood, Praise God!
  
• I pray for all my "Internet friends" every day. That includes readers of these blogs. I cannot pray for you by name, obvously, but God knows who you are!

GOD BLESS YOU!

Cincinnati, OH

Father Kyle asked about what the connection was to Cincinnati. As I mentioned in a combox, there is a personal connection to Cincy. Okay... well... I live in the Diocese of Cincinnati (there, I've said it! I feel better.)

I know negative things have been said about Cincy. For the many of you out there that read the Michael Rose book Good Bye, Good Men, you might have acquired an extremely negative view of our diocese. Remember that Michael Rose, editor of the St. Catherine Review, lives in Cincinnati . He has made it his mission to expose and uproot abuse, and no better place to work than in your own backyard.

Cincinnati has become one of the most visible fronts in the battle between conservative and liberal forces. In my opinion, it's not because abuse is so much more prevalent here, but because conservative Catholics are much more willing to speak out. Remember that organizations like the Couple to Couple League (CCL) which promotes Natural Family Planning are based out of Cincinnati, we have a strong pro-life base here and politically the area is heavily conservative.

Father Kyle, I am sure knows more about the situation with vocations in Cincinnati and how much a desperate situation has turned around. He has a tough job but from what I have seen, he is doing it very well. And every newly ordained priest in Cincinnati I have come into contact with has been a credit to the collar. Cincinnati I am confident is not turning away good men any longer.

Please pray for Father Kyle in his mission and the Archdiocese of Cincinnati, and let's hope that we'll soon be numbered among these diocese:

Lincoln, Nebraska
Yakima, Washington
Savannah, Georgia
Cheyenne, Wyoming
Rapid City, South Dakota
Wichita, Kansas
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Alexandria, Louisiana
Pensacola-Tallahassee, Florida
Steubenville, Ohio
Spokane, Washington
Bismarck, North Dakota

Rather shameless new poll!

There's a new poll over there on the right side!
I know there were probably funnier incidents than the ones listed - for example the sermons by Father Tim - so nominate some in the comment boxes.

Why not evangelicals too?

I used to be a regular contributor to the Catholic Community Forum. In fact that's where I honed my "debating" skills, hanging out on the apologetics forums. I wonder, sometimes, how many people who knew me back then are readers of SOV2. Though I liked the CCF, especially the moderators who were very, very good, I had a hard time controlling my temper. The "first do no harm" ideal is often hard to maintain when its the fifth or sixth or seventeenth time you have to restate the same idea.


Despite the heated arguments I had at CCF, I am very sympathetic to evangelical protestants. My brother-in-law and his wife fall into that non-denominational category. This is one of the reasons you don't see Che' or H. Robert slamming them... though of course many liberal catholics do slam them often and unfairly. It is also unfortunate that many orthodox Catholics also attack evangelicals in general in response to the hyper-zealotry of a few apologists... for example James White. But don't we have our own hyperzealots?

Yes there are wicked evangelicals. Yes there is a lot of arrogance at evangelical bible studies. There are greedy evangelicals, there are evangelicals that are dumbing down Christianity and turning it into a for-profit business. But most evangelicals I have met are not like that. In fact all those I know treat Catholics with fairness and respect - which is more than you get from the progressive people I know.

As we (Catholics and Evangelicals) are increasingly brought together by the onslaught of the secular culture you can see that the two communities are beginning to influence each other in positive ways. They are adopting more Catholic devotional ways, more Catholic approaches to things like vocation, sin. They no longer shun the church of the middle ages. They no longer consider the Pope the Antichrist. I speak in generalities here. Yes, there is still that pre-millenialism that expects Rome to be annihilated in a ball of fire; but even in there anticipation of Armageddon, they save a few places for Catholics on the bus out of town. I think that is a sign that the bitter feelings from the reformation are finally coming to an end in the face of the common threat and the disintegration of the old school protestant traditions.

We Catholics are also starting to learn from evangelicals... not exactly theology... but practice. We are more prepared, more biblically literate and more willing to talk about our faith in public. We are also learning to communicate lay person to lay person and look for areas where we can have understanding and respect for each other if not agreement.

It is not the intellectuals at Universities whose openness to differences of opinion and relativism in regards to other cultures has affected this change. It is through the pro-life movement that Catholics and Evangelicals have finally come to see each other as fellow Christians and yes Vatican II and John Paul II deserve much of the credit in fostering this authentic ecumenicism.

Ahem...

OK - I'll get on board in this bizarre reality-blog vs. parody blog blogathon thing. But I'm keeping my trap shut about certain details concerning the creation of the SOV2 blog - what inspired it, for example. Providing too much detail would only serve to increase the likelihood of offending someone I know in real life (hear that, Ché? no hints!)

Which brings me to the ongoing question: how long should SOV2 be kept alive? I have continuing moral qualms about the blog - sure it's a place to exercise creativity (or, more accurately, to watch Che and Maryann and Sr. Fairah exercise their creativity, and try to keep up). But at times there has been a mean-spirited undercurrent of which I am the source.

Further, I continue to have qualms about representing myself as a priest, whether in the Fr. Tim, Fr. Juno, or Fr. Kane configuration. In our age of diminished vocations, there is a sort of "necessary clericalism" that urges me to include all priests, even fictitious ones, within a sort of protective halo. Sure, I have a lot of differences with various clergy, but frankly -they're ordained. I am having enough trouble living my much easier vocation in the secular world.

Anyway, I have thought about giving SOV2 a year to run its course, and have been tempted many times to "do the right thing" and refrain from further blogging. The relevant sections of the catechism concerning scandal (2477-2479) are continuous challenges that all the SOV2 contributors would do well to consider.

Che' vs Che'

Well, the war of the "secrets" has begun over at Spirit of Vatican 2. Yes, you the voter has determined this fate by the slimmest of margins.

I was FINALLY tagged!

paramedicgirl tagged me on her site

Che' always complains about not being tagged... but I must admit to being a bit shy.

1. Do you attend the Traditional Latin Mass or the Novus Ordo?
Novus Ordo. My wife converted to the faith once... I'll let her decide when to move on to more Latiny things.

2. If you attend the TLM, how far do you drive to get there?
There has always been one within 30 miles of my house, but I've never been.

3. If you had to apply a Catholic label to yourself, what would it be?
I am a Sociocath... but in a good way.

4. Are you a comment junkie?
As much as I can be!

5. Do you go back to read the comments on the blogs you’ve commented on?
Yes. Always.

6. Have you ever left an anonymous comment on another blog?
No, but I have several different names I use. (Sigh) I'll have to reveal the "original" one soon.

7. Which blogroll would you most like to be on?
I'd most like to be on the b-movie and scifi blogrolls for reasons that may be revealed.

8. Which blog is the first one you check?
I first check SOV2 for comments, then I search the site meter to see who is looking at SOV2 and go read those in order of most recent. Is this evil? Then I go to sci-fi catholic and b-movie catechism, and the curt jester.

9. Have you met any other bloggers in person?
Only one.... Father Tim.

10. What are you reading?
Shusaku Endo's The Samurai... not to be confused with the Tom Cruise movie. This is about an early 17th century convert to Catholicism. It is about the saddest book I have read since Diary of a Country Priest by Georges Bernanos. But it balances all the zany english books I read.

Bonus Question! Has your site been banned by Spirit of Vatican II?
Well... pretty soon it will be as a result of the poll.

If it has, who do you think Father Tim really is?
Hmmmm. I could tell but it would be best that I don't. Let's just say that if you looked carefully at SOV2 and looked for some unusual recurrences of "obscure people" or very odd names you could probably guess. I mean you have to look at unusual names and people who aren't mentioned often on other Catholic blogs. I'll also say that the Curt Jester knows. But this is a secret I am not allowed to reveal.

Okay... I tag the following:
Christina
Paul, just this guy, you know?
the Mom
larsterkhan
and
RobK

It will be a while before I comment on their blogs.

Special extra tags to...
guadalupe
DigiHairshirt

Which (as far as I know) are all the people who know the "secrets"

Funny ways of Finding SOV2

One of the "secret" tactics I am embarrassed to admit I have used is to go to site meter and look at the search terms that hit on our blog. Some of them are pretty amusing.

When we suddeny started to get a lot of hits from people looking for information about Matt Johnson I figured theres something about google which favors blogger sites. So Che' kept bringing him up to see what would happen.

Anyway, here are a few "funny" searches that will lead you to SOV2...

... (until I posted this that is!)

"matt johnson is a loser"
"organic tomatoe"
argot private jet
vatican 2 natural food
ron paul catholic voter's guide
giuliani martini catholic

One day left to vote!

The poll is about to close for you "insiders." As it stands all secrets will soon be revealed! Where are the forces of darkness?

What will the results of this unveiling be? I shudder to think!

"Real" Places of SOV2

Most everything on SOV2 is fictional, but if you ever want to go on a "SOV2" tour you can see some of the Knoxville landmarks mentioned by Father Tim and Che'.

Knoxville was chosen as the site of Spirit of Vatican 2 Catholic Faith for several reasons, not least of which was the familiarity of the blog owner and myself of the surroundings. Some Knoxville sites mentioned are Toddy's Backdoor Tavern where Che' and Keith hang out, the Falafel Hut, Market Square, the Sun Sphere, Calhoun's by the River, and the Soup Kitchen. Also, Che's dad lives on Lyon's Bend drive near the Tennessee River.

The University of Tennessee where Che' and Keith went before dropping out is also located in Knoxville. There is a "haunted mill" or some "haunted grain silos" in South Knoxville.

Oak Ridge is a nearby smaller city of about 25,000 which is the location of the National Labs. Oak Ridge was one of the Manhattan Project cities and a frequent destination of protesters of Nuclear Weapons.

North of Knoxville on I-75, Norris Lake is the location of H. Robert's retirement home and the Museum of Appalachia. It is also where Alex Haley author of Roots lived. South and East are Gatlinburg, Pigeon Forge, and the Great Smoky Mountains - a stone's throw from Knoxville. There are, but you'll have to take my word for it, witches who live in the hills. Krystal is the grand-daughter of one of these and so not actually a new age Wiccan. Her frog potion was made from boiled toads.

Politically the area is heavily republican, religiously evangelical and, last I looked, culturally football crazy. Most have scottish ancestry. Yet, the populations of West Knoxville and eastern and western Oak Ridge would be culturally diverse with many recent migrants attracted by low cost of living and technical jobs. These newcomers are often extremely liberal in reaction to the surrounding "redneck" population and have a loathing of all things Orange.

What is the relationship with SSLI?

Some of you may wonder if we are or were acting in "cahoots" with the Society of Saint Leo I. The answer is "sort of."

Radtradchad announced the creation of his blog in one of the comment sections. He posted comments before too. However, we don't know who runs the SSLI blog or the Holy Knights of the Truely True Church.

I admire the creative imagination of all those people. They far outshine my ability to put voice into the character, and their story lines were just as funny as ours. The SSLI and HKTTC were welcome contributors to the mayhem and their creation of an ultra-radically traditional sect satisfied many of our readers. Being a post Vatican 2 Catholic and not knowing much about SSPX and similar ilks I could not have done it. SOV2 really can use a nemesis and SSLI is perfect.

Coordination was not easy and that caused problems early on. For example when sir rev. leonard feeney suddenly decided to slay H. Robert (see comments to this post) I had to ignore it. H. Robert could not die so soon! Wishing to satisfy the blood lust of sir leonard, I let him plunk H. Robert with a lawn dart. I have a sketch I drew of the incident - which is kind of funny - and if I can find it, I'll scan it in and post it here (it shows Keith in the background eating a hamburger). This I did on my own writing in as the culmination of the dreaded church pinic in order to prevent any possible third siege. I was not sure how the SSLI folk would take it but the results seemed to work out well with everybody happy and H. Roberts in the hospital.

Incidentally, this first hospital stay led to my favorite H. Roberts post Romans Chapter 1. If you get a chance read H. Roberts version and the actual side by side.

Cooperation with SSLI was most successfully handled with the long distance exorcism Father Chadwick performed to rid SOV2 of the demonic presence the wiccan Krystal had accidentally summoned while trying to resurrect Curtis the mouse (good times!). But since then SSLI has been relatively quiet and not participated much in the blog.

Overall I found this blog to blog coordination very difficult. As a result the participation was mainly one directional (we didn't enter their world as much as they entered ours). I enjoyed reading what was happening at SSLI and HKTTC, but its been hard just maintaining a presence at SOV2. However the HKTTC is indirectly responsible for the creation of Krystal and hence frog tea and hence H. Robert being a brain in a jar. So you can see SOV2 would not be the same place without them.

Poll: Should SOV2 blog link to Secrets of SOV2?

The intent of this blog is to just clear up some misconceptions and give people who are interested a little more insight into the thought process of one of the SOV2 actors.

I received permission from the SOV2 blog owner to go ahead with this blog. Now you (!) the keepers of the secret get to vote on whether to make the secrets more generally known or to keep them for the select few (and the people who do google searches on Secret of Vatican 2). Just vote in the poll on the left. In a week if more votes tally "yes" I'll see if I can get Father Tim to condemn this blog as a trick of the Republican-Vatican plotters to thwart the intentions of the second Vatican Council by spreading confusion.

My Mistake

Early on in the blog I made a stupid mistake. I misread an e-mail from the blog owner and thought he intended to end the blog because it's original mission was no longer needed. (The actual original mission I must not divulge... leave that for Father Tim...). As a result I jumped the gun and posted the famous Siege post.

That led to the dissapearance of Che' and his encounter with the Lord Acton brigade, the SSPX and the scientologists. We were debating what to do with Che' (i.e. how severely I should be punished!) and whether he would return as a ultra-traditionalist or a convert for Father Juno. Well, he came back pretty much the same as he started but feeling a bit special since he was without Body Thetans.

The siege seemed to be popular among readers and so it was repeated again with Father Kane, and almost a third time... but was put down before it started. It is tempting to always have a crisis at SOV2 because that's when you can let your imagination go wild. But in reality the cause of many crises is due to the schedule of the various actors. Thus Father Tim's frequent trips on board Dr. Argot's private jets and retreats to Maggie Valley left Che' in charge for a couple weekends.

The good news is that H. Robert will NEVER be in charge of SOV2 since Che' will always be there to stop him.

Anti-Semitism in SOV2

An interesting aspect of the blog, especially in its (very) early days, was the feedback from the readers. This really is what got the blog going. For example the Britnee-Che' back and forth over the backpack.

The identity of Britnee is a mystery to me, as is the identity of Agent Smith... though I have my guesses as to which blogger might play Smith.

I slowed down a bit on the reader dialog aspects of the blog and I think people might want to hear an explanation.

One reason is it seemed to be getting a little mean spirited in regards to attacks on Sister Fairah. The other reason it was getting in danger of becoming too "debate" oriented. But the other reason were some accusations leveled against us, specifically the charge of anti-semitism.

The anti-semitism charge came from a joke which backfired. The actor playing Father Tim is not anti-semitic, but Father Tim, like a good Marxist, has that tendency. Father Tim, you might notice often insults people in a rather flippant way. Often his jokes are followed by expressions like "Just kidding, you're the best." When he made a flippant remark in one of his posts, someone immediately jumped on him. Father Tim managed to spin his way out of the controversy without blowing his cover... which I found very impressive.

I took a similar approach with Che' concerning Keith's weight. Che' can't help but make fun of Keith for his large girth. It comes from his obsession with Hollywood values which only tolerate a few fat character actors (like Rosie). The readers who noted Che's "weightism" though understood it to be a part of the parody and called him to task. Che' mended his manners a little in regards to Keith.

The anti-semitism charge struck a nerve with me. My best friend growing up was a rather orthodox Jew and I celebrated Passover many times with his family. I remember in his kitchen the "meat" dishes and the "dairy" dishes were stored on opposite sides. And to this day when I go to the grocery store I try to keep the milk and the ground beef separated by a loaf of bread. Part of my love for the liturgy and desire to see it firmed up a little comes from witnessing my friend's Jewish faith. People complain about not understanding Latin... have you heard a service in Hebrew? The synagogue to me was a dark place... but a holy place where they treated the Torah with reverence. You know, maybe the great developers of the liturgy need to take a longer and better look at the way our elder brothers do things.

Che' Spills the Beans

Okay... this is not Che' but one of the "actors" on the Spirit of Vatican 2 web site. In addition to Che' I also play H. Robert Williams and Keith... and every now and then an anonymous poster. Very early on I posted as Maryann McGronk but in general others play the roles of "Father Tim," "Sister Fairah," "Maryann McGronk," "Father Juno," "Father Kane," etc.

I am not the owner of the blog but one of the select few who has been chosen to participate.

About the Blog
Let me confess that this activity often gives me a lot of heart burn because many people mistake SOV2 for a real Catholic church. SOV2 is not an actual place... though sometimes it strikes so close to home that it hurts.

I am very sorry to those people I have fooled. It has never been our intent to trick people. But as a parody/satire you run that risk.

About Me
I am sure there are people who wonder what our actual views are. I am a Catholic. I am not an ultra-traditionalist. I'd like to go occasionally to a Latin Mass, but I'm happy enough with Novus Ordo. In fact I'd like to think of myself as that middle which is trying to hold so that things don't fall apart. But like many, I see that the threat to the church is from the liberal side not the conservative.

About Che'
I love playing the part of Che' because its always fun to play the clown. This is the best role on the blog because I don't have to worry about grammar, punctuation, spelling, or even making sense. As you know Che' (who has taken a life of his own) is obsessed by celebrities and its really the fact that he is so mesmerized by what they do that has led him into this strange world. His problem is he keeps latching on to the wrong trends.

Che's dad is very wealthy and lives in a huge estate in Knoxville. His mom is an eco-nut up in Connecticut. They were divorced and his dad married Brenda. Che has a sister.

Che' really dislikes his dad but is dependent on him for survival (Che's career in beret design never worked out) he only goes to the mansion when his dad is not around. His nutty attempts to make money by various means is due to his desire to break away from his dad, but having never really had to work for anything he always fails. His eco-obsession and interest in social justice is fueled primarily by a need to do what his mom would like and capture her attention. But his mom has no real time for Che'.

Che' was "rescued" by Father Tim who brought him out of a post college depression and gave him a purpose at the new church.

About Keith
Keith is a tick. He was smart enough to escape his white trash background and get to U.T. but he was lazy and dropped out and sponges off of Che'. However, Keith has his good points as he is very loyal to his friends.

About H. Robert Williams
H. Robert obviously represents a kind of evil. He is a theologian who does not believe in God only in the Human Spirit. He represents a kind of secret agenda which is driving Universities. Ever wonder why many lose their faith in college? People like H. Robert who teach comparative religion classes are the reason.

H. Robert is a retired University Professor from Villanoce college who moved down to Norris Lake. He has been married a long time and has a daughter. He and his wife can't stand each other and the daughter hates both of them equally. The daughter, an invisible member of the wider SOV2 community is a militant feminist and gay. She went to Villanoce where she was embittered. Because of him she sees religion as a sham, a hoax, and a refuge for self-righteous hypocrites. H. Robert is proud of her since she "thinks for herself" but finds her company unpleasent. His wife is a martini alcoholic who finds a way of drinking socially even when no one is around. She frequents several bars... but never would be caught dead in Toddy's. She would like to divorce H. Robert but then would lose her position as the wife of a University Professor.

H. Robert is an exagerated character representing the worst aspects of all the people you might encounter at a University. You will notice how he is very careful with his language yet he is also quite confident and does not believe he can make a mistake. However, H. Roberts does get carried away with his own ideas. And, if pressed, his spitefulness will come out.

I do not enjoy playing this H. Robert which is why I tried to kill him off by having him die from drinking a frog potion. But people voted him back on the show. (I voted twice to let him die and once for global warming.)