I am leaking the secret script of Bananas of Revenge for two reasons:
1. it's not quite funny enough for SOV2
2. it's too long for SOV2
I was hoping to do something like Savanarola Brown by one of the funniest men to ever live (Max Beerbohm). But it didn't quite work out. So without further prelude:
Bananas of Revenge
A play by Che’ Lovell
and also a movie by Che’ Lovell too.
Act I
SCENE: A banana plantation in Guyana or someplace like that really hot.
TIME: Right now except night
[TOM CRUISE and JEANNE GARAFOLA on stage]
[Enter the JOHN TRAVOLTA]
TRAVOLTA: Hey! You are lazy and don’t do enough work. Get back to work or I am going to hit you or put you in jail or something
GARAFOLA: But we’ve been working all night and its hot!
CRUISE: And there are a lot of bugs and mosquitoes and things
TRAVOLTA: I don’t care we need to sell more bananas so I can get more money and stuff. I am also trying to exploit the peoples of the world by buying weapons which I will use to oppress them.
GARAFOLA: Don’t you care about anyone but yourself?
TRAVOLTA: No. Now I need to go and give money to republicans so they can help me by making laws which suppress women and indigenous peoples.
[Exit JOHN TRAVOLTA]
CRUISE: Why do you talk to the TALLY MAN? Don’t you know all he is interested in is oppressing you?
GARAFOLA: I know but the political system is disenfranchising me. They won’t let me vote because I am an undocumented migrant worker. Plus I am a womyn.
CRUISE: I have been reading a book that someone named Che’ gave me. In this book he talks about the socio-economic system and how it has been appropriated by the Bourgeoisie who represented only a stage in the progress of history and how ultimately through a collective movement of the proletariat the unjust political system will be overturned when it has reached the nadir of oppression. Then our shackles will be broken and we will go into a glorious age of eternal revolution.
GARAFOLA: I think I am already at my nadir. Can I see that?
CRUISE: Sure [Hands her book]
GARAFOLA: [Opens book. Gapes in Surprise] Wow! It is just like you said! I can’t believe it because it all makes sense.
CRUISE: The fascists don’t want you to know the truth! They deceive you all the time. But if you listen to the voice of the people you can hear them singing.
GARAFOLA and CRUISE [TOGETHER]: The workers control the means of production! Property is theft! Let us unite!
[Exit GARAFOLA and CRUISE]
[Re-Enter JOHN TRAVOLTA with SEAN PENN and DANNY GLOVER. GLOVER has his hands tied behind his back]
PENN: This menial laborer person is causing trouble. I caught him handing out things people read.
TRAVOLTA: Hit him.
[PENN punches GLOVER in stomach]
GLOVER: Ow!
TRAVOLTA: That will teach you not to try to make people work all the time and make money for me.
GLOVER: [Wipes blood from corner of lip with sleeve] You will never break our wills. History will become the future!
TRAVOLTA: You are not very smart because you don’t learn your lesson the first time. Hit him again.
[Re-Enter GARAFOLA and CRUISE]
CRUISE and GARAFOLA: You will not oppress our brother. [CRUISE punches PENN in the nose while GARAFOLA unties GLOVER. PENN recovers and punches GARAFOLA. Then GLOVER punches PENN.]
TRAVOLTA: Oh no!
PENN: How could I have been so wrong? Forgive me sister and brothers because I have been exploited too. [PENN punches TRAVOLTA in nose]
TRAVOLTA: [On floor reaching up to sky] Why? Why? Why? [Dies]
GLOVER: You ask but you do not understand and so it is. We planted the bananas and we watered the bananas and now the bananas are big and we have to get the bananas off the trees and put them on boats and things. Yet because you had the capital you think you own the bananas. But the capital was stolen from the peoples. Therefore the bananas belong to us.
GARAFOLA: [Points Stage Left] Look the sun is rising.
[Start playing Day-O]
GLOVER: It is the dawn of a new day. The sun is yellow like the bananas. It is a banana dawn. All over the world people are waking up and they will see the banana sun.
GARAFOLA: The fascists will be looking for the bananas and they won’t find them!
GLOVER: But the bananas are bananas of revenge. And so they will have to eat the bananas and the bananas they eat won’t taste very good except to us.
CRUISE: We have done great things. Let us stand united in our collective today.
PENN: We will have to fight to keep our bananas!
GARAFOLA: Let us gather all the bananas together!
[END OF ACT I: All EXIT picking up bananas. Except JOHN TRAVOLTA because he is dead.]
A play by Che’ Lovell
and also a movie by Che’ Lovell too.
Act I
SCENE: A banana plantation in Guyana or someplace like that really hot.
TIME: Right now except night
[TOM CRUISE and JEANNE GARAFOLA on stage]
[Enter the JOHN TRAVOLTA]
TRAVOLTA: Hey! You are lazy and don’t do enough work. Get back to work or I am going to hit you or put you in jail or something
GARAFOLA: But we’ve been working all night and its hot!
CRUISE: And there are a lot of bugs and mosquitoes and things
TRAVOLTA: I don’t care we need to sell more bananas so I can get more money and stuff. I am also trying to exploit the peoples of the world by buying weapons which I will use to oppress them.
GARAFOLA: Don’t you care about anyone but yourself?
TRAVOLTA: No. Now I need to go and give money to republicans so they can help me by making laws which suppress women and indigenous peoples.
[Exit JOHN TRAVOLTA]
CRUISE: Why do you talk to the TALLY MAN? Don’t you know all he is interested in is oppressing you?
GARAFOLA: I know but the political system is disenfranchising me. They won’t let me vote because I am an undocumented migrant worker. Plus I am a womyn.
CRUISE: I have been reading a book that someone named Che’ gave me. In this book he talks about the socio-economic system and how it has been appropriated by the Bourgeoisie who represented only a stage in the progress of history and how ultimately through a collective movement of the proletariat the unjust political system will be overturned when it has reached the nadir of oppression. Then our shackles will be broken and we will go into a glorious age of eternal revolution.
GARAFOLA: I think I am already at my nadir. Can I see that?
CRUISE: Sure [Hands her book]
GARAFOLA: [Opens book. Gapes in Surprise] Wow! It is just like you said! I can’t believe it because it all makes sense.
CRUISE: The fascists don’t want you to know the truth! They deceive you all the time. But if you listen to the voice of the people you can hear them singing.
GARAFOLA and CRUISE [TOGETHER]: The workers control the means of production! Property is theft! Let us unite!
[Exit GARAFOLA and CRUISE]
[Re-Enter JOHN TRAVOLTA with SEAN PENN and DANNY GLOVER. GLOVER has his hands tied behind his back]
PENN: This menial laborer person is causing trouble. I caught him handing out things people read.
TRAVOLTA: Hit him.
[PENN punches GLOVER in stomach]
GLOVER: Ow!
TRAVOLTA: That will teach you not to try to make people work all the time and make money for me.
GLOVER: [Wipes blood from corner of lip with sleeve] You will never break our wills. History will become the future!
TRAVOLTA: You are not very smart because you don’t learn your lesson the first time. Hit him again.
[Re-Enter GARAFOLA and CRUISE]
CRUISE and GARAFOLA: You will not oppress our brother. [CRUISE punches PENN in the nose while GARAFOLA unties GLOVER. PENN recovers and punches GARAFOLA. Then GLOVER punches PENN.]
TRAVOLTA: Oh no!
PENN: How could I have been so wrong? Forgive me sister and brothers because I have been exploited too. [PENN punches TRAVOLTA in nose]
TRAVOLTA: [On floor reaching up to sky] Why? Why? Why? [Dies]
GLOVER: You ask but you do not understand and so it is. We planted the bananas and we watered the bananas and now the bananas are big and we have to get the bananas off the trees and put them on boats and things. Yet because you had the capital you think you own the bananas. But the capital was stolen from the peoples. Therefore the bananas belong to us.
GARAFOLA: [Points Stage Left] Look the sun is rising.
[Start playing Day-O]
GLOVER: It is the dawn of a new day. The sun is yellow like the bananas. It is a banana dawn. All over the world people are waking up and they will see the banana sun.
GARAFOLA: The fascists will be looking for the bananas and they won’t find them!
GLOVER: But the bananas are bananas of revenge. And so they will have to eat the bananas and the bananas they eat won’t taste very good except to us.
CRUISE: We have done great things. Let us stand united in our collective today.
PENN: We will have to fight to keep our bananas!
GARAFOLA: Let us gather all the bananas together!
[END OF ACT I: All EXIT picking up bananas. Except JOHN TRAVOLTA because he is dead.]
6 comments:
Did you mean Jeanne Garofalo? I can't find the other person on Google.
(Just an aside, I'm not teasing you about your knowledge of celebrities, I had to look up Tom Cruise to remember what he looks like...)
LOL - This is great! Please tell me there is an Act 2 and that you are not going to throw off the shackles of an opressive literary culture.
Christina,
When I am in Che' mode I deliberately do not spell check or look words up I am not sure of.
However, my knowledge of celebrities is actually about zero. I have seen maybe two movies with Julia Roberts (Pretty Woman... and another one I can't remember)
Perfect for SOV2. Publish it ASAP! Write Act 2. Make sure you include Tim Robbins, Susan Sarandon, and Charles Curran, and maybe that guy who was editor of America Magazine before he "resigned under Vatican pressure."
Che's alter-ego, this is one of the best things I've ever read. Although I know you don't want to place another layer of exploitation on the workers by becoming famous or making money off their story, you still need an agent. You have to get the message out, Che's alter-ago, for the good of THE PEOPLE. The fame & money will just be crosses you'll have to bear.
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